Saturday, June 30, 2012

Memorial

With palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



Driving to my Teacher’s Zendo in the winter of 1998 was a challenge. I lived in Las Cruces and his Zendo was in Cloudcroft. The drive distance was about 90 miles and the elevation went from 4000’ to nearly 9000’. In the winter there was no predicting accessibility. I first had to climb the mountain to Cloudcroft, then climb a long dirt road up another mountain to get to the Zendo which was tucked neatly into the side of a hill. Snow, ice, and whether or not a plow had cleared the road were potential obstacles. In Zen, our relationship to our teacher is not dependent on our likes or dislikes or our convenience. It is about relational commitment to the teaching and practice of Zen.



So each week I would get into my car, often after a 70 hour workweek as a private practice therapist, and make the drive to practice with Ken-roshi in his Zendo and following that, meet with him for his version of dokusan. Ken-roshi was formidable. It’s not that he was that tall, but he presented himself as authority itself. His answering machine message was simple, “Present yourself as you will.”



Over the years Ken-roshi, with Fern-roshi, helped us build our mountain house deep in the forest beyond Cloudcroft. Our relationship was a challenging one with many dips and turns. I was a socially engaged Zenster, he was a conservative, verging on Republican, Teacher. We argued viciously over the invasion of Iraq, poverty, and immigration issues. I could not understand how a Zen Buddhist, let alone someone who had achieved Dharma Transmission, could support war, make discriminatory choices over people, and remain stoically distance over the suffering of others. His Zen was directed at personal responsibility and mine was directed at social responsibility. He came at practice like an engineer and I, a social worker.



So, here’s the thing: we learned from each other. No matter the issue, having passionate dialogue, while emotionally charged, taught us something about ourselves. Ken-roshi’s view on the war changed over time, he told me many times that he supported my street practice, and I understood that the man in front of me was a former Marine of a different, earlier generation.



Yesterday we offered a Memorial Service for Ken-roshi and his wife, Fern-roshi. These were quiet Zen Teachers who lived their Zen without fanfare. Their Zendos were always small and they disliked the Internet and other public opportunities to offer the Dharma. Theirs was personal and in your face Zen. What a student learned was dependent on how self aware the student was. May we each study ourselves, for as Master Dogen Zenji says, by studying self, mind and body fall away and we are in a place where everything is our teacher.

Be well.

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